Turn-based poop warfare in the world's worst toilets.

A free artillery game in your browser. Lead a squad of wobbly turds, blow holes in the bathroom floor and knock the other lot into the bowl. Last log standing wins.

Play free now No download · plays on phones

72ridiculous weapons

18toilet maps

15ways to play, all free

£0free, in your browser

Game modes

Flush the CPU. Then flush your mates.

Solo, co-op, head to head or four-way. Every mode is free, and every match saves its own clip to share. These are real matches:

Last FlushThe bowl floods in from both edges every round. Stay in the shrinking middle.

Weapon Wheel RouletteBefore every turn a wheel picks the one weapon you must use.

Golden TurdTake out the shiny golden turd for 5 points, anyone else for 1.

Pass the PlungerA ticking plunger bomb sits on one turd. Hit someone to pass it on before it blows.

Toilet TagOne turd is It. Hit someone to pass it on. No tag-backs.

Capture the Loo RollGrab their loo roll and carry it home while yours is still there.

Sewer RaceNo fighting. First turd from the start to the chequered flag wins.

Revenge of the ToiletsThe map fights back: hungry toilets, leaky taps and falling plungers.

Co-op vs the CPUTeam up with your mates against the CPU. Friendly fire is on.

3–4 player free-for-allFour squads, one toilet, knocked out one by one.

Every mode, with rules and tips →

The armoury

72 weapons. None of them are hygienic.

Rockets made of corn, a plunger blessed by the heavens, a disco porta-loo, a giant falling toilet. A few favourites:

Holy PlungerThe biggest blast in the game. Hallelujah. Stand well back.

Potty PartyA disco porta-potty makes everyone nearby dance, blows up, then poop of every kind rains down.

Porcelain ThroneA giant toilet smashes down through the floor four times.

The Big FlushThe water surges up for a few seconds. Low turds go down.

Seagull SquadronThree seagulls drop burning droppings over the target.

Flatulence FlamethrowerA roaring cone of lit gas that leaves fires behind.

Pigeon StrikeA pigeon drops five bird-poop bombs over your target.

Final FlushSwell up and explode, taking everyone nearby with you.

See every weapon in action →

They never shut up

The turds talk. Rudely.

Every hit, miss, flush and self-own gets a line: about 1,200 rude ones and 2,000 clean ones, voiced by 19 characters including Savage Granny, the Viking and Robo-Loo.

I'm my own worst enema Aimed like a drunk at a urinal Scatter me somewhere nice. Not the sink. Your mum's gonna need a sieve

Not your thing? Switch off Rude jokes in Settings and everything stays clean.

Hear every voice →

18 maps

Every battlefield is a toilet.

A bathroom floor, the sewers, a festival porta-loo, a royal throne room, a lavatory at 35,000 feet, a space station loo with low gravity, a litter box with the cat watching, and caves full of molten poo.

FAQ

Questions, answered.

Is it actually free?

Yes. Every match is free. No download, no card, nothing to buy.

What do I need to play?

A web browser. It runs on computers, phones and tablets. Online play uses a free StarHermit account; matches against the CPU don't need one.

Can I play with friends?

Yes: online 1v1, 2v2 teams, a 3–4 player free-for-all, co-op against the CPU, and custom friend matches with your own rules. Co-op also works passing one device round.

How do I invite a mate?

Hit "Flush a mate" after a match and send the link. When they finish their first match, you both get the Plunger Pal hat.

How rude is it?

Toilet humour and British swearing (think "bollocks", not worse), with no slurs and nothing sexual. Switch off Rude jokes in Settings and it stays clean. Best for teens and up.

Does it work on phones?

Yes. Turn your phone sideways: you get a stick to aim and a FIRE button.

Who made this?

An independent developer in your toilet. Turds plays on StarHermit, the home of sh1t on the internet.